No time to read? No worries, I’ll read the newsletter to you:
Hi Friends,
Many of you have heard stories of my amazing dog, Olive. She had a couple of terrible years of life before she was rescued by an organization in Northern Virginia. When we adopted her, she was malnourished, sick, had just lost a litter of pups, and was terrified of men — which resulted in a fear-aggression problem. My husband fell in love with her immediately, even when she barked like she wanted to murder him.
His response:
“She’ll love me in a minute.”
He was right. She did.
And despite my concerns about her size, her health, and her issues (which triggered my own) I loved her in a minute, too. Okay. Maybe ten minutes.
The leader of our first training class gently suggested that we might need more intensive help. So we utilized the talents of multiple trainers to work through her anxiety, separation issues, and fear of anything even slightly unknown. And over the last five years, Olive has become a wonderful companion. She learned to trust, and be loved. She is brilliant, sweet, intuitive, and hilarious. I love her wholeheartedly.
But lately. She’s been kind of a dick.
We live in a downtown area and so we often will take her out to dinner. She loves being out with us. She lounges under the table, sniffing for any crumbs that might have fallen. She watches squirrels, gives other dogs the tail-thump equivalent of the bro-nod, and waits patiently for Momma’s leftovers. But over the last couple of weeks, something has shifted.
People love to pet dogs, and this seems especially true with Olive. Everyone wants to get their hands on her. There was a phase when Olive would tolerate a stranger's head scratch, but she has recently decided that she doesn’t want strangers to touch her. At all. So when they do, she barks like Cujo.
It’s… a lot.
So when our server brings us water and absentmindedly gives the calm dog a head pat, Olive loses her mind. People stare at us and I get embarrassed and pissed off because we have done YEARS of work to get her to understand that I will not let anyone hurt her. So I get mad and fume on the walk home and I ask her why we bothered to spend thousands of dollars on trainers if she’s just going to be a dick.
She never has an answer for that.
But then I realized how wrong I am.
Olive has set a boundary. She doesn’t want to be touched by strangers. (And honestly, that’s a very reasonable boundary.) Who the hell am I to judge her for needing to feel safe? It really doesn’t matter why this has changed, I need to put her feelings of safety above my desire to have a quiet dog sit under the table when we go out to dinner.
So I stopped getting pissed off at Olive and I got a DO NOT PET sleeve to attach to her leash. That takes the pressure off me to feel like I have to be on guard all the time.
I’m helping her to set her boundaries. I’m respecting what she needs right now to feel comfortable and safe. I’m remembering that it’s okay to set boundaries for myself. I deserve to feel comfortable and safe, too.
And honestly, as someone whose former career meant that I got grabbed and mobbed in public, I kind of want one of those signs for myself.
I’ll wear it like a sash.
Here’s what else happened this week:
What I read
Health Panel Recommends Screening All Kids 8 and Up for Anxiety - New York Times
“The earlier you identify symptoms, the earlier you intervene, and that reduces the amount of time a child is suffering”
There is a myth that childhood is this joyous, carefree time. I was an anxious kid, and I’m glad to know that we’re getting more serious about supporting young people.
What I also suggest
What you need to know
Fat Bear Week emerges from scandal to crown a new champion
I really hope you know about Fat Bear Week. If not, I am so happy for you to learn about this. Some of the largest brown bears on Earth make their home at Brooks River in Katmai National Park, Alaska. Brown bears get fat to survive and Fat Bear Week is an annual tournament celebrating their success in preparation for winter hibernation. Your vote decides who is the fattest of the bears.
But this year, because of course, there was a scandal. Please enjoy the opening paragraph:
Fat Bear Week was rocked by scandal over the weekend after organizers in Alaska uncovered voting irregularities that were meant to skew the results of a pivotal semifinal. A new champion was crowned on Tuesday…
What I loved
Celeste Barber is hilarious and I love it so much when she takes on the b.s. of the yoga industrial complex. It’s well worth watching this short video with sound on. (If you are unfamiliar with Celeste, please know that it’s not what you might think judging from this photo.)
What is all ready for you
Blue Mala classes are now set up for November. You can book your live yoga, meditation, and office hours with me — get them on your calendar so you won’t miss out.
Also please note that I will be taking December off from live classes. The recorded library will be available to you as always, but I’m working on setting some boundaries for myself and damn, y’all…I need a break. So get those live classes in November!
Take care of yourselves, friends. Bark really loudly if necessary.
Much love,
~Lisa