Embrace the suck
“We’re in the suck today. It sucks.”
“It’s gonna be cold. It’s gonna be wet. Embrace the suck. We’re gonna be talking about this hike for years to come.”
This is how we were welcomed to the Irreverent Warriors Silkies Hike in Houston last weekend. It’s a fantastic organization that brings veterans together using humor and camaraderie to improve mental health and prevent veteran suicide. 150 Vets (and a few civilian volunteers like myself) gathered in the 45-degree, pouring rain. The “hike” was about six miles through Houston, stopping at various locations, from fire stations to dive bars.
Silkies, by the way, are also known as Ranger Panties — but “panties” is one of those words that make my teeth hurt, so I stick with “silkies.” They are shorts that the military used for physical training. They are very short and very thin and leave very little to the imagination. I have ones with dinosaurs on them.
My Vet friends invited me to come down for the weekend and experience a hike, but I wasn’t really sure what I was going to be doing as a volunteer. When I asked the coordinator for details she said, “well, it’s pretty much like wrangling toddlers. They won’t want to do any of it, but you have to make them.”
My job was to watch out to see if they were:
too tired — make them get in the truck to rest
too dehydrated — make them drink water
too drunk — make them eat something
“We have bananas here,” the coordinator said, pointing to crates in the back of the truck.
“So, you want me to force-feed bananas to drunk Veterans?”
“If they are super drunk and won’t eat, just make them do push-ups until they puke, then they’ll be ok.”
This is how I serve.
Civilians are not allowed to participate in the actual hike, so I rode in the support vehicle, stopping traffic and generally keeping an eye on the troops walking next to us. I hung out the window, handing out water and Doritos. (The force-feeding of bananas never needed to happen, which is good but I am sorry I don’t have a video of that to share.)
It was cold. They were soaked. It sucked.
And it was filled with so much joy.
There was dancing, Backstreet Boys sing-alongs, and more hugs and back-slaps than I could count. There was laughter and real conversations. At the bar, there was one of those claw machine games where you normally win a stuffed animal, but it was filled entirely with dildos. (And yes, someone won.) There were service dogs who braved the rain and the cold, and who were rewarded with barbeque. There were old friends and new ones. And I was so grateful to be part of it.
Embrace the suck is a phrase that will forever be part of my lexicon. It’s a less subtle version of one of my favorites - get comfortable with discomfort. That one comes from yoga, and it has helped me remember that I can handle much more than I think I can. It reminds me that challenges bring change. Evolution.
It’s lovely when things are easy — but that gets kind of boring. We don’t need it to be easy all the time. It can also be lovely when it’s 45 degrees, pouring rain, and someone just won a dildo.
One of the Veterans I work with, Josue Matamoros, wrote about the hike:
It brought back the memories of being forced to go for long road marches in miserable conditions. Brought back the miserable memories of the first time visiting the suck. It reminded me of the memories I used to help me get through those first time visiting the suck. Watching the soldier in front of me and behind me reminded me, this, this right here, this is what this is about.
In the suck you find yourself, you find what matters to you, you know that in the suck you find your real limits. You find out the suck is nothing to be scared of because your brothers and sisters are there with you. Reach out for them, reach out to the civilians, help build the understanding that is missing. Build happier thoughts in the suck.
“In the suck you find yourself.”
We all found ourselves a little more that day. And we took care of our brothers and sisters to our left and to our right. And that — in a time that seems rife with hatred and bigotry and selfishness — is the epitome of humanity, joy, and connection.
A brief video compilation of the hike:
Here’s what else happened this week:
What I saw
In true Texas fashion, I saw three armadillos. In the wild. In the span of an hour. This made me very happy. I really didn’t get any good photos of this, so rather than sharing my blurry far away photos, please enjoy this video of Rollie the armadillo playing with a toy.
What I love: supporting artists in Ukraine
Many of you know that I took up embroidery and cross-stitch as my analog Covid hobby, and it is something that continues to soothe my soul. I found this incredible artist based in Kropyvnitskyi, Ukraine. Oksana creates patterns out of a photo, so you can embroider it yourself. She also does stunning custom embroidery from a photo and I am obsessed. Look at her incredible work!
What I watched
The Mole (Netflix) - I remember loving this show back in 2001 when it was hosted by Anderson Cooper. This new iteration is cheesy in the way that all reality TV competitions are cheesy, but I found the challenges to be fun and it honestly took me until very late in the game to figure out who the mole was.
What I skipped
Thanksgiving. I find most of the big holidays to be….complicated. And this one is no exception. Jeremy and I have been wanting to get away to Washington, DC for some great food and great museums. So we are doing that for the long weekend. Top of the list? Van Gogh Exhibit: The Immersive Experience, Smithsonian National Museum of African Art, Founding Farmers, Busboys and Poets, Zaytinya.
What I hope you remember
I have tons of free resources on Blue Mala to help you through the holidays. Breathing exercises, yoga, writing prompts, articles, meditations, and panic attack guides. Please remember to take time to step away and recharge.
This is my last newsletter of 2022, as I’ll be on hiatus for December. Boundaries can be challenging for me, but I am getting super burned out, y’all. I’m incredibly lucky to be able to take this break, and it’s the first time I’ve had more than four days off in something like 18 months.
I talk a lot about burnout and ways to take care of yourself, and I need to walk the walk. So this is me modeling rest. I hope you can do some of that, too.
Here’s to a new year filled with the joy we can find when we embrace the suck.
I’ll see you on the flip side, dearest friends.
Much love,
~Lisa