Equanimity is one of those words you hear a lot in the mindfulness world.
It refers to a state of even-mindedness and mental balance. It’s about maintaining an inner calm regardless of external circumstances. It sounds very lofty and academic, but it’s basically this:
Equanimity means being unfuckwithable.
Is it possible, 100% of the time? Absolutely not. The other day, an Instagram video had me in a sobbing mess on the floor. Life definitely fucks with me. But equanimity is what I’m working towards, at least some of the time.
There is a Chinese story that encapsulates this perfectly.
A farmer and his son had a beloved horse who helped the family earn a living. One day, the horse ran away and their neighbours exclaimed, “Your horse ran away, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few days later, the horse returned home, leading a few wild horses back to the farm as well. The neighbours shouted out, “Your horse has returned, and brought several horses home with him. What great luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
Later that week, the farmer’s son was trying to break one of the horses and she threw him to the ground, breaking his leg. The neighbours cried, “Your son broke his leg, what terrible luck!” The farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not.”
A few weeks later, soldiers from the national army marched through town, recruiting all boys for the army. They did not take the farmer’s son, because he had a broken leg. The neighbours shouted, “Your boy is spared, what tremendous luck!” To which the farmer replied, “Maybe so, maybe not. We’ll see.”
Clearly, this story is not literal, rather, it is pointing at something. The farmer stayed even-minded through the inevitable ups and downs of life. That guy was unfuckwithable.
It’s important to recognize what I’m NOT saying here. I’m not saying you shouldn’t ever feel anything. I’m not saying you can’t respond. I’m not saying you need to be a passive doormat.
Obviously, we’re going to have strong emotions and we’re going to be passionate and care about things. We’re going to go out and make a difference in the world. We’re going to be disappointed and get angry and get our feelings hurt. That is the human condition.
But while all that is happening, there’s also the possibility of smoothing out the waves of emotional turmoil a little bit. If I’m not careful, my mood tends to look like this:
But when I’m practicing equanimity, it’s more like this:
And honestly, that’s a much more pleasant space to live in. (And live with, I’m sure.)
Intertwined with equanimity is another one of the heavy hitters in the meditation world: impermanence. That is, everything changes.
That farmer knew everything would change, so he didn’t get too attached to the perceived good or bad of his current circumstances. We can be less entrenched in our ego-centered desires, and simply be with the reality of what is in front of us, without deciding it’s the best or worst thing in the world.
We walk around most of the time with endless opinions and judgments about every single little thing. There are generally three versions:
Pleasant (yay, gimme more!)
Unpleasant (Ugh, make it stop.)
Neutral (boring, where’s my phone?)
It’s common to spew constant opinions but it’s exhausting. Equanimity says that maybe all the judgment isn’t necessary or helpful all the time. Maybe it can just…you know….be in it.
When we’re in a place of equanimity it means that we can move forward from a grounded place. We can respond to challenges with great intention and purpose. Beneficial action rarely comes from the place of being an emotionally jacked-up hurricane.
Equanimity also doesn’t promise us that everything is going to be positivity and sunshine. But if we are we are calm and even-minded, we are more likely to manage the obstacles with more clarity and resilience.
So let’s be unfuckwithable. At least sometimes.
People often ask me about various concepts relating to mental wellness or meditation/yoga. So, if you have a request, respond to this email and let me know, please. Hope this helped, Steve!
Here’s what else happened this week:
What I’m reading
The Giver I tried to get a nice photo of this book but instead, you get this chaotic photobomb.
What I’m watching
Taylor Tomlinson: Have it All (Netflix)
Stand-up comedy and chocolate. I’m not saying it fixes everything. But it helps.
What made my heart smile
Please take a moment and click through to see these photos. Especially the last one - the dog has glasses and a pipe and it made my entire day. I wish time travel existed so I could go back in time and pet that good boy.
What I posted
In case you’d like to dive into a mediation on equanimity, I posted one this week in the Blue Mala member section. I’ve been exploring lots of interesting topics for our members - like non-cheesy affirmations and the notion of joyful surrender to reality. Basically, I share with you all the stuff that I most need to hear, and I just hope it’s helpful for you.
Unexpected joys that happen when you write a book
When I was about seven years old, I did a commercial for K-Mart. As part of the commercial, they made a coloring book of me and gave it to me when the shoot was over. I told that story in my first book, You Look Like That Girl, and included the image. This week, a reader told me he turned his book into a mindful exercise and colored it in! He said it was very relaxing, and I could not love this more. He’s also very good at coloring.
Thanks for reading, friends. Take good care of each other. We all need it.
Much love,
~Lisa