Happy Birthday
Hi Friends,
*Trigger warning: suicide. Scroll down to the line brake if you prefer to skip the heavy stuff and go right to the part about dinosaurs and nachos.
This past Wednesday should have been Robin Williams’ 70th birthday.
(OK. Yikes. I really thought this was something I wanted to write about, but now I’m not too sure. Bear with me as I figure out how to do this.)
This goes without saying, but of course I don’t know Robin’s reasons for ending his life. His wife spoke of his medical diagnosis of LBD as one cause. But I do know that Robin struggled with anxiety and depression. Like me. I do know that he was sensitive and empathetic. Like me. I know this because when I was 14, we used to sit around and talk about it. Robin was so open and honest with me - he helped me to understand that I was not a freak. I was not alone.
(If you are one of the three people in the world who don’t know this story already, you can read about it and see the note Robin wrote to my high school when they kicked me out.)
Earlier this week, I interviewed a major in the U.S. Army’s Judge Advocate General’s Corps for a podcast episode I’m working on about Moral Injury and post traumatic stress. He was a former member of the 75th Ranger Regiment and 82nd Airborne Division, and his service includes multiple deployments to Afghanistan. Unsurprisingly, our conversation turned to the unbearably high rates of Veteran suicide.
Since 9/11, 7,057 U.S. military service members were killed in war operations in Iraq and Afghanistan. Deaths by suicide among those who served post 9/11 amount to more than four times that number. Approximately 20 Veterans die by suicide every day.1 Every day we lose 20 people who — like Robin — were also beloved. It’s just that they weren’t famous.
I fully admit that there are times I feel haunted by Mrs. Doubtfire. Even though it was a wonderful experience, it changed everything for me. I’ve been answering questions about that movie for the last 28 years of my life. I feel like I’ll never outrun it. I wonder if my tombstone will be engraved with: “Lydia Always Watched Dick Van Dyke.”
Or maybe just “Shut up, Lydie.”
But the flip side of that is important, too: that experience set me on a path. Or maybe it’s more appropriate to say that Robin set me on a path. I was never meant to be a famous actor. I was meant to become an advocate for mental wellness. I was meant to help people find their own power and purpose by embracing vulnerability and authenticity. I was meant to offer tools that can maybe make life a little bit easier. To be open about my own issues with mental wellness. To model acceptance and compassion with everything I do.
And much of that stems from Robin - from his support, his honesty, and his open-heartedness.
So happy birthday, Robin. Thanks for everything.
Support:
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is available 24 hours a day: 800-273-8255
Crisis Text Line provides free, 24/7 support via text message. Text HOME to 741741 to connect with a trained Crisis Counselor.
Support for Vets:
Caring, qualified VA responders standing by to help 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. 1-800-273-8255 and Press 1
If you are a Vet who is interested in attending my free online Yoga for Veterans program - you can apply here.
Here’s some other stuff from this week: (AKA the lighter part, I promise)
What I watched
We went to see Jurasic Park on the big screen and oh. my. god. It was amazing. It is one of my favorite movies, and seeing it as it was meant to be seen literally brought me to tears. No joke. When they first see the Brachiosaurus and the score builds up, I LOST IT. Full on sobbing. Jeremy had to hand me a napkin.
What I’m reading
I work with a couple of trans Veterans, and I loved this piece by Charlotte Clymer, a trans woman, about manhood in positions of authority, specifically in sports and the military — They called me a girl before anyone else did: Explaining the Male Coach Gender Paradox
I’m also dragging my feet as I get to the end of Long Bright River which I was not expecting to love but I absolutely do and I don’t want it to end.
What I’m listening to
This is one of those belt-it-out-into-a-wooden-spoon-while-making-spaghetti moments.
What I’m eating
I have no idea what comes next for us. I am equal parts terrified that the Delta variant will bring life to a screeching halt again, and confident that enough people will do the right thing, get vaccinated and we’ll be okay.
We’ve not been going to many restaurants, but yesterday I got to sit at the bar in a lovely, open air restaurant with my husband, and eat nachos with a mango mocktail and it was entirely sublime. I am ALWAYS grateful for nachos, but this was a little extra special.
What I want to remind you about
If you’ve having a hard time, I made this video to help walk you through some mindfulness techniques to bring down the panic and get you breathing again. These are all the things I use in my own anxious life, and I hope they help. (I’ve got lots of other videos over on Youtube, so might want to subscribe while you’re over there.)
I’ve been thinking about this quote a lot lately:
“Watch your thoughts, they become your words; watch your words, they become your actions; watch your actions, they become your habits; watch your habits, they become your character; watch your character, it becomes your destiny.”
―Lao Tzu
Do me a favor? Go text someone you haven’t heard from in a while - just to check in.
Much love,
~Lisa
PS. All subscribers to this newsletter now have access to the PDF download of the first 30 pages of my book Not Just Me: Anxiety, depression, and learning to embrace your weird. Just click below.
Many Veterans I know don’t like this statistic; they maintain it is way too low. This is a self-reported number from the VA, which only includes stats from some states, but not all.