Hi Friends,
Emotionally speaking, I’ve been limping around this week — feeling devastated by stories and videos from the Israel-Hamas war. The enormity of the human suffering is unfathomable and I’m gutted by it.
This is well-worn territory for me. I am known to get overwhelmed by the world.
I once had a panic attack when a bottle cap popped too loudly. Yesterday I was sobbing while watching a heartwarming video about cows who escaped from a slaughterhouse and now live on a rescue farm, lying in the in the sun and licking each other’s faces. A friend just got back from Rwanda where she was teaching self-defense to young Afgan girls who had to flee their country. As she told me about it, I stopped breathing for a bit.
I'm what is known as a highly sensitive person (HSP) which means that my nervous system processes sensory data more deeply than other people. I'm also an introvert with an anxiety disorder. I’ve often said that I feel like I have six fewer layers of skin than everyone else.
But I’m not nearly as unique as I think I am. There are lots of us.
And many of us are feeling intensely right now.
Being this way in the world can be wonderful — I feel the beauty of life super deeply, too. But it's hard to know how to operate in a world with so much suffering.
I've learned a few things that might help:
Get informed. Then shut it off.
We need to be informed. We don’t need to simmer in stress hormones 24/7. That’s not helpful for anyone. Read and watch the news only when you are feeling prepared to deal with it. And don't get hooked on marinating in the misery and doom scrolling. Learn enough to be informed — then stop. And don’t feel guilty about putting a limit on your intake.
If you're sad, feel sad
Really shitty things happen in the world. So, let’s feel sad about that. Don't pile on extra angst that you shouldn't be so sensitive and now you're destined to be sad forever. Just feel sad about the sad thing. Actually feel it. Don't distract yourself and drink/shop/numb it away. Give the sadness your full attention in whatever way feels right. Cry, write, draw, yell, beat the hell out of a couch cushion, talk to a therapist.
We often want to eliminate our intense emotions — anger, sadness, loneliness, fear. But they are inevitable and just as much a part of the human experience as joy. This is what we signed up for as humans. Emotions come and go like waves, so we just need to learn how to surf so we don't drown in them.
Find the light
Don’t just rant about how awful the world is. Do something. Maybe we can’t instantly create peace in the Middle East. But we can do something to make the world a little less terrible, on some level.
Empower yourself and others. Check on that friend who’s been quiet. Volunteer. Resist. Donate. Write letters. Make phone calls. Cook dinner for someone. Do something that will move the needle just a little bit. Don’t dwell endlessly in the tragedy and surrender to apathy. It’s easy to throw up our hands and just say it’s all too big and terrible. But that’s letting big and terrible win.
The reality is that life can absolutely be hard, but we also need to cultivate gratitude for the wonderful things. Enjoy the simple moments. Cuddle on the couch.
"Think of all the beauty still around you."- Anne Frank
This Living in the World thing is exhausting, I'm still trying to figure it all out. But sometimes it's just nice to know that this sensitive soul of mine is not alone.
So we'll cry together. But we'll also get up the next day and bravely show up to love wholeheartedly, stand up for what's right, and dance in the kitchen.
And maybe that’s how we make things a little bit better.
Due to a technical glitch, there was a recent newsletter that was supposed to go out to everyone, that only went out to the paid subscribers. So I’m including it below: I hope you enjoy your double-scoop newsletter: highly-sensitive on top, introversion on the bottom.
Hi Friends,
I went to West Virginia to speak to the lovely folks of Prestera Center, which offers behavioral health care and addiction recovery services. About 150 Prestera employees attended the wellness in the workplace conference — because it turns out that even those of us who work in mental health still forget to take care of ourselves.
Before the event, I did a little video of the lovely conference room, and yeah, I still worry every time that no one will show up.
But of course, they did show up. We filled the room and had an amazing day talking about ways to make life just a little bit easier. We meditated, did some yoga, talked about pranayama breathing exercises, and came up with a wellness plan for when life felt overwhelming.
I had the joy of putting this conference together with the wonderful speaker Mike Veny. Mike and I have collaborated before, and it’s so fun working with someone who you just gel with. We are on the same wavelength on so many things, despite our different stories.
After standing in front of 150+ people for many hours, someone asked me how I started doing speaking engagements, despite being a self-proclaimed introvert with anxiety who finds the idea of leadership to be horrifying. Why the hell would I pursue this path? Am I a masochist or something? Isn’t it like someone who is allergic to bees becoming an apiarist?
I am constantly shocked to find that I enjoy the speaking event thing. And it’s for one reason - I’m passionate about the topics I’m speaking about.
Of course, introverts don’t spend all our time huddled up in a cave somewhere. (Though that does sound really lovely sometimes.) We interact. We are capable of stepping outside of our preferences and doing something totally extroverted:
for a limited time
with plenty of recovery afterward
when it’s something we really care about
For a long time, I did a job that didn’t feel purposeful. I know how hollow that felt. When I look around me, I see so many people suffering from anxiety and depression like I was, and I want them to know that there is a different way to do things. I spent a couple of decades not knowing that there were options. I spent much of my life thinking I was alone. I don’t want other people to hurt like that.
I wrote a book about all this so I could hide behind my keyboard, but it turns out that people like to interact with other humans. So here I am. The introvert interacts.
As I stood at the side of the stage waiting to start my presentation, I realized I was not nervous. Quite a change from the person who used to puke before Italian class in college because she knew she might be called on. So I’m proof that this mindfulness shit works.
Of course, I still get stressed out and anxious sometimes. That’s just part of who I am and how I’m put together. But I am more confident, more capable, less lost in my own constant doom spiral. We rarely remember to celebrate being okay, especially when we feel that that progress has been subtle and slow. But I did take a moment when I noticed the lack of vomiting, to be grateful to see the payoff for all my hard work on my mental health.
So thanks for letting me share that with you, too.
Here’s what else happened this week.
What brought me joy
This dog rides the bus solo and you need to know about this. This story is MANY years old and I don’t care.
What I am watching
Live to 100: Secrets of the Blue Zones on Netflix
Maybe this is a consequence of my 45th birthday coming up in a few months, but I’ve been thinking more about how to age well. This docuseries has some really interesting perspectives from around the world on what makes a good life.
What I am reading
Will the Rains Extinguish Burning Man?
“Burning Man is supposed to be hard.”
An interesting piece on climate change and the desert festival.
What I am signing
I get so many requests for this, that I now have photos from Mrs. Doubtfire, Independence Day, and Matinee! I’m signing and personalizing these with a portion of the proceeds going to my Veteran nonprofit, Mission Flexible. If you’re interested, you can order here - international shipping is available.
Thank you for being here, friends. I am grateful for you.
Much love,
~Lisa