I'm warm not cool
“Hello. I am totally clueless and I need some help.”
It was actually quite a relief to just say it.
I completely surrendered to my cluelessness. I didn’t even try to pretend to have it all together. I unabashedly proclaimed my desperate need for help.
“Don’t worry, honey. I’ve got you.”
Those were the most comforting words possible.
Brandon was maybe 24 years old and was stunningly beautiful. He had the most perfectly applied makeup, with a dramatic cat eye and I’m not quite sure what contouring means but I’m pretty sure he was contoured. He looked like he had just stepped off a Paris runway in order to help me, a middle-aged woman who was lost in Sephora, pick out foundation.
When you grow up in the film industry, you are surrounded by people who do hair and makeup professionally. They carry around kits containing every possible powder and liquid that could be applied to a person. My best friend in L.A. was an Emmy-winning makeup artist, so the idea that I ever needed to learn how to apply these things myself never occurred to me. After wearing heavy makeup on set, I’d never want it for my days off. And my hair? It’s wild and does its own thing and I respect it for that and mostly leave it to its own devices.
But these days, I am coming back into the world and doing some events in which there are bright lights — and bright lights cause everyone to look like a sickly Victorian child if they are not wearing things like foundation and mascara and lipstick so I found myself needing to purchase things like foundation and mascara and lipstick. But I am now on the other side of the country from my L.A. friends and I am flying solo don’t really know how to do this.
So I walked into a Sephora and I found Brandon.
He was kind and didn’t treat me like the clueless hippie I am, as he gently asked if I knew how to apply foundation. (Turns out you don’t just rub it in like lotion, rather, a brush is needed.)
He told me my skin tone was very warm, which makes sense because I feel way more warm than cool. (Not at all cool.)
He seemed invested in my success when he exclaimed “Let’s get you a lip!” and rushed me over to a display that was downright overwhelming in its variety of reds. He chose a lipstick and held it up for my approval.
“Do you like it?” He asked me.
“Do YOU like it?” I responded. I trust Brandon more than myself.
“No. I LOVE.” He said.
I decided I love, too.
I’ve been thinking about my aversion to things like dressing up and wearing makeup. After two years of barely leaving my house, it’s unsurprising that anything other than my camo joggers and my “I Just Came to Get Downdog” t-shirt would feel beyond my abilities. But there is something deeper happening here. And it’s uncomfortable.
If I look like I don’t care, I can blend into the background. If I dress in brown and grey all the time, I can hide. No one can accuse me of trying to look like I’m special, no one will critique my attempts to try, and in fact, maybe no one will look at me at all. I can feel safe.
“Why do you always dress like a bird trying to blend with foliage??” My grandma used to ask me.
It’s anxiety. It’s insecurity. It’s fear. It’s not wanting to be seen as someone who wants too much attention.
But playing small gets suffocating sometimes.
I am slowly learning that I can wear lipstick sometimes. I can wear a dress sometimes. I can go on Youtube and learn how to use the curling wand on my mermaid hair and it doesn’t mean I’m a shallow or an egotistical exhibitionist.
I’m allowed to show up in my life — in lipstick or camo or flouncy skirts or Doc Martins — or any damn way I want.
So thank you, Brandon. Thank you for bringing your beautiful soul to the world and reminding me I don’t have to be a dull little house finch all the time.
In a world filled with challenges and struggles, it’s kinda fun to get that much joy from a lip color.
What I watched
As recently displayed in Sephora, I have little-to-no problem asking for help. But if it’s is not so easy for you to proclaim yourself clueless, I thought this was a great TED talk — How to ask for help -- and get a "yes" | Heidi Grant
What I’m reading
I am a reader but I am also a re-reader. I have a habit of saying “oh my god I LOVE that book” and when someone asks me what it’s about, I can’t remember a single thing other than the fact that I loved it. So after a few false starts in which I just couldn’t get into a book after the first fifty pages (my designated “give up” point), I have gone back to an old favorite. East of Eden by John Steinbeck. It’s scratching my itch for a great novel in the most perfect way.
What else I’m reading
I was posting on Twitter about sobriety this week, and I was amazed at how many people wanted to talk about being alcohol-free — not because of addiction — but because it isn’t serving your life well. It got me thinking about this interesting article about how it might not be helping addicts to think of addiction as a disease. It might be an oversimplification of the issue, indicating it as “an individual problem, reduced to the level of biology alone.”
What happened at Blue Mala
I’ve been getting a lot of questions about my morning routine, and when I fit in meditation/yoga/exercise, etc. So I outlined it all for you, with links to my favorite breakfast recipes, personal care products, electrolytes, and meditation timers. Not all my mornings look like this, because you know, I’m human and all. But most of them do. That’s good enough for me. Morning Routine: creating a Sadhana.
And in case you missed it: 10 Minute Yoga for Neck and Shoulders
Actual footage of me (introvert) preparing for public events
I am hitting the road next week, going to Texas, New York, Massachusetts, Northern Virginia and New Jersey over the next four weeks. It’s gonna be a whirlwind of workshops, talks, and events, but I am so excited about it all.
I feel grateful to love my work and maybe I’ll get to see you in person? Click here for my schedule in case you want to hang out.
Sending you all the joy that might be found in a NARS lipstick called Falbala.
~Lisa
Ps. If you enjoyed this post, I’d be so grateful if you shared it. It’s a free way to support my work and help grow our community. Just click the cute little orange button below.