Introversion is not a character flaw

Tarot cards saved my weekend

May 05, 2023

Reunion weekends are always chaotic in our little college town.

Restaurants are extra crowded with people wearing University of Virginia gear. Traffic gets worse, as people with out-of-state license plates slow to a crawl and point out places, explaining — that’s where I used to hang out / that funny thing happened / I barfed once.

We were part of those shenanigans this year, as it was the 20-year (wtf?) reunion of Jeremy graduating from business school. Just over 20 years ago, I had been living in LA and realized that I had zero passion for acting. The constant competition, misogyny, and superficiality of that industry were slowly suffocating me and making my anxiety debilitating. So I ran away to join my boyfriend here in Virginia.

That was a time of massive uncertainty, as I was a 23-year-old who had just quit her Hollywood career and was going to start over. That might sound great, except I had no plan, and nothing more than a 9th-grade education and an ability to cry on cue. I had no idea who I was beneath the actor, or what I wanted for my life. So I read a lot and worked at a radio station and tried a lot of things that I failed at — until I finally started writing down the book that had been in my head for years.

Eventually, I figured my way through it.

(And still am. It’s a life-long process.)

I found my way through those early days of non-actor life with the support of some amazing people — many of whom were Jeremy’s business school classmates. Those people came back to town last weekend, and have known me since I stood on wobbly Bambi legs and stumbled haphazardly towards my post-Hollywood life.

It’s wild to see where life has taken all of us.

But beyond those lovely people, there were lots of other people I didn’t know. Bajillions of reunion-celebrating strangers. They were swarming all over cocktail parties and dinners and events and outings. It was exhausting.

The thing about introverts is that we don’t hate people. Many of us are in helping professions where we spend the vast majority of our time devoted to caring for people. We love people.

We just prefer to hang out with smaller groups, in quieter settings, and we require alone time to recharge from people-ing.

There is nothing wrong with being an introvert. It’s not dysfunctional. It’s not something we need to change. We don’t need to come out of our shell. We’re fine, thank you.

We just happen to live in a culture that currently elevates the extrovert. Professional and social frameworks are structured around that particular personality type — valuing the socially graceful, great-at-small-talk, close-down-the-bar kind of person. It used to be the introspective, sensitive, “lone wolf” introvert was the more idealized personality, but the industrial revolution changed that.

The introvert is now out of fashion, like low-rise skinny jeans.

Many people automatically assign introversion as a negative trait. I posted on social media about introversion, and someone commented: “My son is an introvert but he has a heart of gold.”

But??

Maybe “and.”

So during the weekend of oh so many people, I did what all introverts do. We find ways to make the overwhelming thing a little smaller.

Here I am, on the steps of the fancy Darden School of Business, away from the fray — giving tarot card readings.

This is the part where you might say, “Lisa, I didn’t know you read tarot cards.”

Yeah. I don’t.

I bought the tarot cards on a whim at Kripalu last weekend and they come with a little book that explains how to do it. What better way to have the preferred one-on-one time and escape the crowd?

Am I good at reading tarot cards? Nope. I said absolutely nothing that was helpful or clarifying for anyone. If anything, I confused their lives further. I told someone they were likely to have a very rich baby.

But it did get me away from crowds of drunken people yelling about Tito’s and Tea. So big win there.

Dearest introvert: please know that you are not alone. Know that there is nothing wrong with you. You get to spend time recuperating because you deserve to take care of your own mental health. You’re not a weirdo (well, you probably are, but for other reasons) and introverts are vital to the world in our own quiet ways.

And dear extroverts: don’t take it personally if introverts need some quiet time. Just give them some space. They’ll be back.

Maybe with some tarot cards.

Or a very rich baby.

Here’s what else happened this week

What I revisited

Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking If you are an introvert or you love an introvert, please read this immediately. It changed the whole world for me.

What I read

We live in a world where there are appaling legislative attacks on the trans community and hate crimes are on the rise. Awareness, understanding, and vocal allies are so important. I enjoyed this Q&A with Charlotte Clymer and George Takei about being trans in America today.