It might be a midlife crisis, but whatever it's cool

On blowing up one's life. Again.

May 08, 2025

And then I decided to turn my entire life upside down.

It began so innocently. I got rid of old CDs and journals. I gave away nicknacks, empty picture frames, and an obscene number of chopsticks. Next, I donated at least half of the clothes, shoes, and bags in my closet. I got rid of travel-sized lotions, tiny toothpastes, and slivers of soap I somehow thought I’d need. I scanned photos and shredded the physical copies. I donated books to the local library's used book sale. I took a carload of serving platters, mini-muffin tins, casserole dishes, and Christmas plates to the donation center. I offloaded extra dog beds, garden decor, and a Cuisinart to friends.

I gave away most things joyfully, but a few things I wept over, and took photos of — all while knowing deeply that it was time to let them go.

Consistently, with every item that left my home, I felt a weight lift.

I joked that my dog and husband shouldn’t stand still too long, or else I’d give them away, too.

Neither of them liked that joke.

Even after I tried it a few different ways.

Just to be clear: even with all this change, husband and dog get to stay.

Anyway, I have no idea how we accumulated so much stuff. I don’t even like stuff.

So we sold a bunch of our furniture — and then we sold our house.

The upheaval in the last few months has been enormous.

And it feels SO. DAMN. GOOD.

This is a new chapter. No, it’s more significant than that — maybe it’s an act break. Or perhaps an entirely different book. I’m assessing everything: what I want, what I don’t want — and how I want to show up, even in the face of chaos.

Typical modern life feels so dysfunctional to me, but I find myself falling into the traps all the same. We can get caught up in the constant striving to hit an ever-shifting target we didn’t even set. Self-care is labeled as selfish, and self-neglect is held up as a badge of honor. External validation is mistaken for self-worth. People-pleasing masquerades as a service to humanity. And over it all looms a feeling of scarcity; never enough work, never enough money, never enough IG followers.

Can I just opt out of all of that? Hit unsubscribe?

What if I decided that I have everything I need, and my life is enough - right now?

You can see why it might be a mid-life crisis.

I’ve experienced this massive upheaval before—when I left my life in L.A. and moved across the country for a fresh start. I was 22 then. Now, at 46, I’m doing it again.

Jeremy, Olive, and I have moved into a temporary place, where there will be more purging and simplifying. Then there will be another big shift — an international move — and I’ll share more details as I can wrap my head around it.

That move might involve nothing more than a few suitcases.

I want to be light in the world, not weighed down. I don’t need more…anything. So I’m embracing some new things.

Things like Swedish Death Cleaning: decluttering mercifully, in a dark but profound way.

Things like a capsule wardrobe: drastically paring down my clothes to only versatile pieces that I totally love to wear.

Things like simple living: because mindless consumerism to get the dopamine hit doesn’t actually feel that great to me.

I recently read the book The Year of Less. I didn’t love the writing style, so I can’t really recommend it, but the concept was solid.

“When you want less, you consume less—and you also need less money.”
― Cait Flanders

Yep. In case you missed it, it seems as if America is heading into a recession. That means things will continue to get more expensive — and giving more money to Amazon as a form of self-soothing doesn’t work for me anymore.

So maybe it’s a response to the effed up things happening in this country, or maybe it’s simply a non-stabby place to put the rage resulting from perimenopause. But since I want to slow down and be more intentional, the upheaval I’m causing in my life feels necessary. Yes, it also causes me to be awake at 4 AM, worrying about everything that can go wrong, but it also feels like I’m properly LIVING, not just surviving. It feels like freedom.

I’ve not been entirely sure how to talk about this massive change, so I’ve been a little quiet lately. I didn’t want to write about this messy/confusing/chaotic part, I wanted to wait until I had it all figured out, and then say - TA DA! - like it was entirely magic and easy and fun. But I’m not here to gloss over the awkward parts.

I don’t presume that anyone should care about the fact that I’m selling furniture, or considering a rebellious shopping ban. But I know that I like writing to you. It helps me wake up to the reality of the present moment. I like putting my world on paper, and maybe that helps others feel less alone, if they feel similar things.

So, thank you for being here.

Along with the husband and the dog, you get to stay, too.

Here’s what else has been going on this week

What I‘ve been watching

What I’m excited to watch

The Quilters: “A documentary short following a men's quilting group inside a maximum security prison as they create personalized quilts for local foster children.”

What I’ve been reading

Great little piece of observation, that creates a fun discussion in the comments about flirting. (I’m saying - read the comments? - how uncharacteristic of me.)