It was never supposed to be easy
Hi Friends,
This quote has been in my head lately.
“If you are uncomfortable—in deep pain, angry, yearning, confused—you don’t have a problem, you have a life. Being human is not hard because you’re doing it wrong, it’s hard because you’re doing it right. You will never change the fact that being human is hard, so you must change your idea that it was ever supposed to be easy.”
In that quote, Glennon is talking about a concept that the Buddhist tradition calls The Second Arrow. The Buddha defined the First Arrow as the unavoidable pain of the world. It’s the unexpectedly high car repair bill, it’s stubbing your toe on the coffee table, it’s having that work project fall apart. (Except he used different examples because Buddha didn’t have many car troubles. Or coffee tables, probably.) Essentially, it’s the life stuff that sucks, and it’s inherent to being a human.
The Second Arrow is the part when we have all the thoughts and feelings ABOUT the First Arrow. It’s the Why Does This Always Happen To Me & It Shouldn’t Be This Way & I’m Doomed To This Forever.
So when life shoots us with that inevitable First Arrow, instead of dealing with the pain of that, we distract and numb and avoid by pulling out a Second Arrow and shooting ourselves with that one, too.
It’s a terrible idea, really. And the Buddha knew that.
I don’t always know that because I am no Buddha.
But I’m trying to remind myself of this, as I move through some tough weeks.
It was never supposed to be easy. But I can make it a little easier by not shooting myself with that Second Arrow. I can choose to take care of myself, deal with my wounds, and move forward with some compassion.
I find it comforting to remember that we’re not doing things wrong if it’s painful and messy and confusing. That’s just part of the deal with being alive. So breathe deep, dear one. And give yourself a break.
Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional.
We are going to be okay.
Here’s what’s been going on this week:
What I read
I’m still swooning over Gina Frangello’s recent book Blow Your House Down. Recently, she wrote a piece for Psychology Today called Letting Go: Learning to trust my body after trauma.
Let go. Have there ever been two harder words in any language? I am no good at letting go: of guilt, of love, of pain, of people, of the past, of fear. If I let go, I would fall—it was as simple as that.
But it’s never that simple, is it? A lovely piece on what happens when we trust in ourselves.
What I talked about
When they invited me to come on this podcast and said we’d “have a waffle” I hoped it was literal. (My hopes were dashed.) Regardless, it was still a good conversation about mental wellness with the delightful Taylor James. Even if I had no use for my genuine Canadian maple syrup. Link is here if you want to listen.
What I’m admitting to
I watched the Celebrity Dating Game. I really don’t know why I did it. I felt bad when I was watching it. I feel bad now admitting that I watched it. I really don’t know why I’m bringing it up here other than the fact that I’m trying to dissipate my shame by being public about it.
In less shameful moments, we finished White Lotus (interesting, disturbing, wildly uncomfortable) and put We Broke Up on our much-watch list. Because I’ll take any chance to have William Jackson Harper on my screen.
When I feel like learning
I’ve been going to a number of Creative Mornings events lately. I used to attend in person (and even hosted one in the Before Times) but the ease of the online platform has been even better. I’ve attended talks on cultivating creativity, the concept of Deep Work, podcasting, and digital marketing. But I could have also learned about how to fold origami fish, how to build resiliency around money, and how to draw monsters. Membership is free.
What I have managed to keep alive
It’s no secret that I’m a plant murderer. At the beginning of July, I introduced you to my new plants, named Mark and Stephanie. I wanted you to know that Mark was repotted recently and he is living his very best life.
I don’t want to talk about Stephanie.
But honestly, most of my time is going to this new project that I’m working on — more details soon, but follow Blue Mala on Instagram for a sneak peek. I can’t wait to share more with you. It feels exciting and terrifying, which I take as a good sign.
Thanks for being here, friends. You make my life better.
Much love,
~Lisa