"She's totally gonna write a newsletter about this": from the archives
Why is asking for help so hard?
While I am on hiatus, I hope you enjoy reader-favorite newsletters from the archive.
I wish you peace, joy, and rest.
Much love,
~Lisa
Two of my friends sat next to me on the bed, holding my hands, and talking me through my panic attack.
They listened to me, gently corrected my skewed thinking, and reminded me how to breathe. They pulled me out of the doom spiral and my panic eventually passed. As I wiped my eyes and smeared around the mascara streaming down my face they looked at each other and said — “she’s totally gonna write a newsletter about this.”
Last weekend, I led a Mission Flexible Veteran’s retreat and as per usual, it was incredible. We had a bunch of new attendees, we were in a new location (beautiful West Virginia) with some incredible new offerings - like caves.
Also new to this retreat was a videographer. I hired the wonderful Micah Byler to film a few parts of the retreat and interview Veterans about how Mission Flexible has helped them so that we can attract more donors and applicants to the program. (The final video is here if you want to see it.)
The Vets did great, and Micah fit in beautifully with our group. It was all smooth sailing. Until my interview.
I’m used to being on camera so I wasn’t worried about that. I’m happy to talk about this organization that I’m so passionate about.
The interview part went great. And then we got to the Call To Action. This is when you ask donors to support and contribute to the organization — it requires assertive language that indicates the need for external support.
But I froze.
I couldn’t get the words out in any order that made sense, and I kept tripping over my tongue.
Instead of saying things like “donate today” or “join us” — I basically said: “if you really want to donate or whatever you could but if it’s any problem then please forget that I asked you know what never mind I’m so sorry I even brought it up, really. Oh god just ignore me please.”
It wasn’t good.
When I was seven years old, I was on a commercial shoot and the director gave me the nickname “One Take Jake” for my tendency to get my lines right. I rarely needed multiple takes to get the shot.
But I was not One Take Jake that day. (It’s incredible the pressure that we put on ourselves to uphold a nickname that we might have gotten almost 40 years ago.)
We did get the shot eventually but when the interview was done, I lost it. I felt vulnerable and regretful that I hadn’t done better for a cause I care so much about. I let myself be overwhelmed by my deep insecurity around asking for help.
I was lucky to have friends to sit with me through my panicked moment. Poor Micah the filmmaker stood in the hallway watching me cry, looking horrified that he had broken me. I reassured him that I was just dealing with my own shit.
I tell other people all the time that they should be comfortable asking for help. I extol the virtues of vulnerability and community support. But for me, in that moment, it felt impossible.
In the back of my head, that not-so-little voice was yelling:
Who the hell do you think you are?
Why would you even think you could run this organization?
What right do you have to ask for help? You wanted to do this thing — so you should be able to do it by yourself.
There is a story about people asking the Buddha who the hell he thought he was. What was he doing here? They asked if he was a god - he said no. They asked if he was some sort of magician or wizard, and again, he said no.
So who the hell are you?
He responded, “I am awake.”
I’m still trying to figure out who I am. I think most of us are.
But maybe this is the best response to that mean voice in my head. I don’t need to be a god, or a wizard, or even One Take Jake. I don’t need to be an entirely self sufficient being who never requires help.
I just need to be awake.
Here’s what else happened this week:
The only way to teach yoga
On retreat, there were Veterans and breakthroughs and incredible moments - and you can see some photos here. But mostly, there was a doggo on my yoga mat.
What I’m watching
I’m loving this show. The first couple of episodes ease you in, and then it gets super intense.
What might help
Life can be a lot right now. Obligations, worries, fears. I get it. I’ve been talking to a lot of people who are in that “I want to quit everything and escape to the mountains” phase. In case that’s you: Nic Antoinette made a reading list for you.
What I’m listening to
Lovely Lofi background music that helps me focus.
What I made
On retreat, we realized how many things we accomplished because people told us we couldn’t. But when faced with that obstacle, we just said — “watch me” — and we made it happen. So we created a new catchphrase for Mission Flexible: Peace, Love, and Spite.
I thought this deserved a T-shirt. If you want one, click here. All proceeds go to supporting Veteran mindfulness retreats.
Thank you for reading, friends. Take good care of yourselves and each other. I’m grateful for you.
Much love,
~Lisa