Mrs. D, Billie, and being a blue check
Hi Friends,
It was sometime in 2016 that I heard Billie Eilish’s Ocean Eyes pop up on a Spotify playlist. There was something about that song that I just loved, and I was curious about the artist, so I did a little reading.
And found out that she was 13 years old.
My first thought was Shit. I’m worried about her.
It’s no coincidence that I worry about kids who are around the age I was when I was in Mrs. Doubtfire, and life changed for me.
I’ve listened to Billie Eilish occasionally in the years since - singing along in the car, perfecting my “duh!” for Bad Guy. But even louder than my terrible singing voice was the voice in the back of my head that was persistently worried about her. Is she finding fame overwhelming? Does she have proper protection from people wanting to take advantage of her? Is she able to do some normal kid things?
We just watched the documentary about Billie - The World’s a Little Blurry. I was surprised at how much it struck a cord with me, and I’m still thinking about it.
Let me make two things clear:
I was never famous in the way that Billie Eilish is famous
I was not horribly wounded by the moderate level of recognition that I did have
However:
There were moments in the documentary that I recognized from my own experience
It’s not really a life I would wish on anyone
The film does a phenomenal job showing what notoriety feels like. How the mobs can feel more scary than flattering, how the emotional crash after a performance can be crushing, how striving for perfection can smother any sense of accomplishment. It all feels very intimate and non-sensationalized.
Does Billie have an incredible number of amazing opportunities? Absolutely. Does that come at a significant cost? Absolutely.
She seems more driven than I was. She seems confident that this is the right career for her, whereas I had no such confidence. She seems to understand the responsibility to the public better than I did.
I really hope there is someone in Billie’s life who says, “if you want to walk away from all this and do something completely different with your life, that is a valid decision.”
Even though I loved my job for much of the time I did it, the emotional toll was not something I could handle long-term. The superficiality, the competitiveness, the loss of privacy, the assumption that fame is the best thing that could happen to anyone. It was not for me.
Walking away from the film industry was the best decision I could have made for my own mental-wellness. I’m grateful that my life now feels more authentic. We all deserve to know that we are enough. We are empowered to choose our path. And we don’t have to fake it for anybody.
Duh.
Speaking of strange public notoriety
Twitter verified me. Which means, I’m…real? I guess. People seem very excited for me to be real. As far as I know, realness comes with no actual perks, other than the fact that I can now be called a “blue check” in a derogatory tone, because I’ve become the “elite establishment.” News to me.
I’m still not taking off the sweatpants.
What I’m reading
You Don't Belong Here: How Three Women Rewrote the Story of War
There are books I devour in a weekend, and there are books I stretch out. This is a stretch out book. On each page, I am in awe of the bravery of these women, the blatant sexism they faced, and the way they handled failures and tragedy. It’s incredibly inspiring.
What felt very real
Ted Lasso - Season 1, Episode 8 - Make Rebecca Great Again (Apple TV)
I’ve said before that I am late to the game with Ted Lasso, but I find it charming and appreciate that it requires very little from me emotionally. But I just watched this episode in which Ted has a panic attack.
I’ve had a panic disorder since I was 11 years old, and I have never seen a more well-done panic attack depicted on screen. I was impressed, and then I got panicky because I panic when I see someone panic. Normally, panic attacks on screen don’t bother me because they look so fake. But they got this one right. So if you want to understand how it feels to have a panic attack - check it out.
What I’m cooking
We got our springtime cold snap in Virginia this week (seriously, there was a brief little flurry of snow yesterday) and so this creamy yummy comfort food is on our menu. Simple, filling, and healthy. Vegan and easy to make gluten-free if desired.
When I got dragged into the clickbait
There was lots of excitement around a rumor that there were multiple versions of Mrs. Doubtfire floating around - PG, PG-13, R, and NC-17 cuts of the film - and people REALLY wanted to see the dirty versions. When asked to weigh in, I said I thought it was unlikely that there were fully cut alternate versions of the film (because that’s just not how post-production on films works) but that we did do “blue” versions of every scene.
Later, Chris Columbus, the director said that there scenes we didn’t use in the final version. But TODAY decided to say this meant an entire film DID exist, even dragging my tweet into it:
Does that sound like I “seemingly confirmed” the existence of these alternates to you?
TODAY went on to say:
He confirmed there were three different versions? Read what Chris actually said in that same article:
In no way did he confirm that there were three different versions of the film.
He said he could re-edit certain scenes.
I know we are all living through a dumpster fire of a time period, and really want fun random things like an R rated version of Mrs. Doubtfire to exist.
But truth matters.
Just let Mrs. D be her subtly dirty PG-13 self.
Because I’m 42 now
It seems I pulled a muscle in my back doing something exotic like sleeping or yawning, which is always a sign I need more yoga in my life. Luckily, My Yoga for Anxiety class starts up again on Monday. Pay what you can, attend live at noon eastern, or practice in your own time with the recording I send out every Monday afternoon. Beginners totally welcome. You can watch my dorky Insta Live where I answer questions about this class, and try to figure out how to end an Insta Live.
I am wishing you all a happy April. We’re on our way to flowers and sunshine and warmer weather. Take heart, dear friends. Change is coming.
Sending you all much love,
~Lisa