Showing up
“I’m the person who always shows up. If you ever have an event that is sure to be poorly attended - invite me. I’ll be there.”
This statement amazed me. Not simply because I could never say this (I practically have to be removed from my home with a crowbar) but because it is such a generous way of identifying oneself.
It was a new friend who said this, and I’ve been reflecting on the impact of it. I’ve been to poorly attended book readings, poorly attended fundraisers, and poorly attended speaking engagements. In that moment, every extra head you can count is a blessing and a mercy.
What’s more — this friend really means it. I was part of an event that was out of the way, and not well-advertised. I invited her, she showed up, and it meant so much.
What is even more touching is that she KNOWS what it means to be the person who shows up. It’s intentional and she has chosen to bake this trait into her personality. What a kindness to be someone that other people can count on.
It got me thinking about the ways we define ourselves in relationship to others.
One friend of mine cooks for those dealing with crises. She delivers beautiful meals with easy-to-follow instructions for reheating. There will even be a baked good wrapped in tinfoil for dessert.
Another friend is a book person. If you are talking about books and you say, “That book sounds interesting, I’ll have to check it out” — the book will arrive on your doorstep the next day.
Another friend is a lightning-speed texter. He responds to texts so fast that it’s impossible not to feel loved.
I have many privileges in life, one of which is I am self-employed and do not have the responsibility of children — so I can do stuff during the day. This week, I got to show up for a friend and take him to a medical thing he was anxious about. I had been having a rough time, and the opportunity to get out of my own head and do something helpful for someone else was exactly what I needed to get out of my funk.
Let’s face it, I probably won’t show up at your event because I can’t bring my dog. I’m definitely going to forget which book we were talking about…and when your birthday is. I suck at making other people dinner because I think a perfect meal at home involves standing over the sink and taking bites directly from a block of cheese.
But I will take you to your medical stuff. I will go back with you to the prep area where they normally only allow spouses. I will turn around when you put on the gown. I will hold the paper cup with the bendy straw and the good ice. I’ll ask the doctor clarifying questions. And I won’t film when you’re coming out of anesthesia.
It’s not about showing up perfectly. It’s about showing up at all.
Here’s what else happened this week:
What I read
Butterfly or Firefly: What’s Your Friendship Style? - New York Times
And who doesn’t love a silly quiz? I’m a Firefly, apparently. An interesting perspective on friendships, based on this new book The Art and Science of Connection Why Social Health Is the Missing Key to Living Longer, Healthier, and Happier — which will make its way onto my to-read list.
What I watched
Speaking of butterflies! Lavar Burton and reading. What else could you want? I don’t remember watching this show, which makes me wonder if we had it in Canada. (I was a Today’s Special kid, which I now believe should only be watched after consuming some gummies.) Even without the personal nostalgia, this documentary made my heart happy. And this song is so catchy that it’ll be stuck in your head for days. (Thanks, E)
What I listened to
You know when you need a song to get yourself psyched up? This is now my go-to song for pre-event bathroom mirror dancing. Don’t be fooled into thinking you’re getting Ed Sheeran vibes in this mashup. From the comments - “this is what chaotic neutral sounds like.” (Thanks, B.)
What else I’m reading
The Algebra of Wealth: A Simple Formula for Financial Security. I don’t generally love books about personal finance, but this has some helpful money psychology and philosophy behind it. If an author quotes the Stoics, I’m more likely to be into it and learn something helpful about compound interest.
A fun part of the book is when Scott Galloway slams meditation because his mind is “too busy” for it. But he then goes on to encourage the importance of focus and blocking out unnecessary distractions. Hey Scott, when you really want to learn what meditation is — gimme a call.
What might help
Since my severe back injury when I was a kid, the importance of caring for my spine is always a top priority for me. So maybe take 15 minutes for this today? Your spine will thank you.
And I thank you for reading, friends.
Much love,
~L