Stet: Thanks but no thanks
Every spring, it’s a magical time in my town.
It’s not because of flowers or the promise of warmer weather. It’s because of books. The Virginia Festival of the Book occurs over four days — with tons of events and panels and opportunities for book nerds to gush about books, honor books, and stand in a corner sniffing books when we think no one is looking. Probably.
I may refer to this event as “My Christmas.” It really is the most wonderful time of the year, to my mind.
One of the events I attended last week was a talk by the powerhouse author Roxane Gay. She discussed her writing process, including editing, and it reminded me of one of my favorite editing terms:
Stet.
Stet is a Latin word, which means "let it stand." When an author gets notes back from her editor, there are embedded suggestions for changes. The author can accept a change, or write in the word Stet, which indicates that the editor’s suggestion has been seen, and is to be ignored.
It means:
I understand what you want, but no.
I said what I said.
I am choosing my choice over yours.
I love Stet because it’s so simple, so clear, it doesn’t require dancing around and apologizing and over-explaining. It’s just — I hear you, and I’m going a different way.
I try to use Stet in my daily life, too.
When someone is trying to convince me of a thing I “should” be/do/have.
Stet.
When I feel obligated or stuck in a situation.
Stet.
When that mean voice in my mind is compelling me to busyness, accomplishing, or hustling for my self-worth.
Stet.
It is not always easy to do. But Stet has this inherent confidence in it — it’s respectful and powerful. It’s how I want to move through the world, unapologetic about the things I want, and don’t want.
The problem with Stet, is that — other than writers— people don’t tend to know what it means. So this is my attempt to infuse it into our everyday lexicon, so I don’t have to inform someone that when I say Stet - I mean that I’m bravely and confidently rejecting their suggestion.
It’s way more powerful to just say “Stet!” and turn on my heel, and go find some books to sniff.
Here’s what else happened this week:
What I am reading
“Because survival is insufficient.” - Station Eleven. (Actually, the quote is originally from Star Trek: Voyager, which makes it even better.)
I’ve been obsessed with this quote for a while. (Thank you for sharing it with me, S.) Although I’m super late to this party as per usual, I am finally reading the book it comes from: Station Eleven.
The book examines the role of art after the apocalypse, it’s beautiful and painful. It was written pre-COVID, so there is an eery foreshadowing, as well as a stomach-churning view of what could have been.
What else I’m reading
The Risk and Reward of Taking the Unsexiest Job at a Sex Company
First, go ahead and have a giggle about a Wall Street Journal article about Only Fans. Then, check out an interesting read about unsexy jobs (think “senior financial accountant,” or “sales development representative”) at sex companies.
They are paying an average salary of 600K a year to compensate for the fact that pivoting to “normal” careers later can be challenging because of stigmatization by prospective employers. Apparently, “a company feels that if there were ever some sort of sexual-harassment claim, they couldn’t defend hiring someone who worked in porn.” A fascinating look at stigma in a recession-proof industry.
What I am not watching but other people should
Quiet On Set — I ran into a friend on the street the other day, and the first thing she did was grab my arm and say “don’t watch Quiet on Set.” It’s an important look at the toxic world of kids actors at Nickelodeon, and while I’m glad it exists and people are talking about it, I can’t watch it just yet. I’ll let you know if that changes, because I’m sure I’ll have thoughts to share.
What I loved
“Laughter robs your pain of its power.“
I didn’t know I needed to see Esther Perel and Trevor Noah in conversation but I totally did. Much of my work centers around the combination of humor and suffering and it’s delightful to see others talking about that.
What I am looking forward to
I’ve got so much great new content for this event at Omega! I can’t wait to share it with you - June 21 - 23rd in Rhinebeck, NY. Accommodations are limited so if you want to join me, please book soon.
Thank you for reading, friends. I am grateful for you and it brings me joy to write you every week.
Much love,
~Lisa