When a Canadian gets mad
When a Canadian gets mad
I got really angry recently.
It wasn’t a broad political or state-of-the-world thing, which has been infuriating for sure — this was something else. A person did a thing and I was PISSED.
I don’t do well with anger. It feels like I swallowed hot coals. It is physically painful to me and I don’t know what to do with it. I blame this on being Canadian. It’s the classic stereotype (rooted in the deep truth) that Canadians are not people who get angry. And if we ever do feel such an unpleasant emotion we cover it in apologies and maple syrup and we go play hockey until it passes.
But anger was clearly the emotion I was feeling, and I walked around my house flapping my arms literally not knowing what to do with it. Eventually, I did the thing I always advise others to do when managing difficult emotions:
I acknowledged that I was angry and that was okay. Not wrong or shameful or stupid. I didn't try to get un-angry.
I noticed where I felt the physical sensation of anger in my body. It was a knot that was located behind my right shoulder blade. (Which is strange, but whatever.)
I talked to the person I was mad at and explained my position.
I did some breathing exercises because I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath
I reminded myself that this was a temporary state, and I was not going to be angry forever. (Even though I couldn’t imagine getting over it.)
After all that — I was still angry.
This was annoying because I wanted these steps to be the magic cure that fixed it all. But then I distracted myself by doing some work. I talked to a friend. I revisited the steps. And eventually, I realized I was not clinging to the anger quite so much. I did some yoga. I cuddled my dog. I ate a lot of cheese.
It worked. Not instantly. But it allowed me to not get stuck in my anger. Intense emotions are going to happen in this human life. Mindfulness gave me the space to move through it in a way that didn’t destroy me, even when it felt like it might.
Accepting the discomfort of the strong emotion is actually what allowed me to let go of it.
It’s a paradox. But it’s just the way it works.
But seriously, try to not piss off Canadians. Because when we finally do get mad, we fight with the fury of 1000 mooses.1
Here’s what else happened this week:
When I needed something sweet
What I read
The Weird, Analog Delights of Foley Sound Effects
This is a fantastic article about Foley - which many of us spend exactly zero time thinking about, yet it’s essential to great filmmaking. I love knowing that E.T was jello in a t-shirt.
I liked this resource
So Everything Sucks & You Need Help: Some tips on how to (maybe) find a good therapist in the U.S.
Sara Benincasa is a gem, that is all.
Quote that I loved
There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who walk into a room and say ‘Here I am’ and those who walk into a room and say, ‘There you are.”
― Ann Landers
What’s new with Blue
We have switched Blue Mala Office Hours to every week, due to the fact that Office Hours are really fun and we all need more of that. We get together on Zoom and just hang out. You can talk or not, camera off or on. There is zero structure to it and zero pressure. Sometimes we do serious emotional work, sometimes it’s entirely silly. You can learn more about all that here. Live yoga and meditation classes were just posted for August and don’t forget about all the on-demand short videos on mindfulness tools like panic attack management and EFT.
Thank you for being here, friends. I am grateful for you.
Sending you deep breaths and long hugs,
~Lisa
PS. If you enjoyed this, please share it!
I am aware that the plural of moose is “moose” — not mooses. But I like to say mooses and it is one of the (very few) professional perks of being a writer that I get to make up words.